People in glass houses have got to be getting harder and harder to find these days. I mean, it's really just not all that safe to live in a house of glass if you think about it. With terrorist attacks and all, life inside a glass house would be one constant panic attack after the other. I mean, how often is the homeland security threat level NOT orange or higher? Also, what the hell does that even mean? Am I supposed to be scared of the color orange, or think it looks delicious?
Anyhow, let's get one thing straight here: Glass houses are for plants to live in, not people. Nevertheless, what you often find these days is a growing number of people doing things that people just aren't meant to do. Like peeing in the shower. I have been a part of several conversations in my lifetime during which it became apparent that urinating in the shower is not at all an uncommon thing for people to do.
In fact, during all of these conversations in which I was involved, at least 1 out of 3 people openly admitted to peeing in the shower. This greatly concerns me. First of all, that means there is an equal number of people whom pee in the shower to the number of people whom have the herpes virus. Obviously, this means that herpes is caused from people peeing in the shower, so for the love of God, and your own bodies, STOP PEEING IN THE DAMN SHOWER YOU DIRTY, DIRTY SKANKS (either gender)! Secondly, if 1 out of 3 people is willing to openly admit to peeing in the shower, that means an even great percentage of people pee in the shower and are ashamed to admit it in mixed company. Let's assume, just for a moment, that the number of people unwilling to openly admit to peeing in the shower is only 50% of the total number of people who do admit to it (which we've already established is 33% of the population of the world). That means 1.5 out of every 3 people, or 50% of the population of the entire world pees in the shower. Holy piss that's ridiculous!
My first question(s) to these people is always the same: Is there no toilet in your shower room? I mean, even if there's not, how far away can it be, and how hard is it to remember to go pee BEFORE you get into the shower? And easier even still, if you forget to go before you get in, how long is your freakin' shower that you can't just hold it until you finish? When you have to go pee whilst brushing your teeth, do you just wizz in the sink then?
If you're looking for guidance from a long-time friend about a fork in the road of your life, and you're not a shower pisser; he or she probably is, so stay clear. Learn to make decisions for yourself for a change. You've done so thus far, and look how messed up it's made you. I mean, you can't really mess things up for yourself much worse than you already have, so what do you have to lose? It's better to give yourself bad advice, than to pick up herpes from your shower pissing friend(s). Just steer clear until Apple comes out with its new app for the iPhone which will solve all the world's "golden shower" problems (not to mention curing herpes once and for all):
Introducing, iRinate: The only of its kind app for the iPhone which allows you to scan away your need to break the seal. Just launch the app from your iPhone menu, wave your iPhone over your bladder and kidneys, and voila! Tiny, radioactive lasers pinpoint urine at its point of creation and
blast it away with microscopic, urine-eating bacterium. Never make your friends scoot out of the booth in a crowded bar again. iRinate: We Take the Piss!
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