It has been said that plumbing is the worst profession, except for Coprophagia Web Design. Recently, I discovered that hemorrhoids, which will forever now be known by all humankind as, "hemmers", are an all too common occurrence. Just a dash of research will tell you that hemmers are most commonly caused from straining while pooping (official terminology). Other contributing factors could be, but are not limited to: stress, sitting for long periods of time on hard surfaces, chronic diarrhea (don't think it's the actual diarrhea on this one, but more the act of having to chronically wipe. See item #5 in my blog post from 08/21/09 here, for my solution to this issue), and of course, trusty ol' anal sex. Whatever the cause of you hemmers may be, I CANNOT bring myself to look at them.
I'm serious, I cannot do it. I can't even look at a picture of a nameless, faceless humanoid ass that, only allegedly, has hemmers. I certainly cannot look at my OWN hemmers, and not just because of the angle, I mean, if really wanted to, they do make mirrors with handles you know? Which brings me to my next point: I think we should start referring to all handled-mirrors as, "hemmermirrors". (Trust me, I thought about that like, 6 times before I wrote it, and all one word looks WAY better.)
Let us take a moment to reflect back on what you've learned today. (1.) Coprophagia is the official terminology for a demented pervert who likes people to crap all over them, sexually. (2.) No one says "hemorrhoids" anymore, unless they want to look like a fat idiot in front of their friends. "Hemmers" is the preferred nomenclature. (3.) Hemmers can be caused by a number of various factors, including: eating, and therefore pooping, like a fat kid; unnecessary emotional withholding toward the most trivial things in life, about which we can do nothing; laziness; drinking too damn much, too damn often; and of course, trusty ol' anal sex. (4.) I have no idea what a hemmer looks like, and most likely never will because I have an intense, psychological problem which prohibits my eyes from ever being able to focus on one, even with the use of a hemmermirror. (4.) Oh yeah, mirrors with handles are now known as "hemmermirrors."
The plumber's job is to make sure the shit passes through the pipe, making it obvious as to what the pipe's job is. I recommend being the plumber today, rather than the pipe. If your job is Coprophagia Web Design, I'd say you're more or less....the pipe.
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