Going against the flow...

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People in glass houses have got to be getting harder and harder to find these days. I mean, it's really just not all that safe to live in a house of glass if you think about it. With terrorist attacks and all, life inside a glass house would be one constant panic attack after the other. I mean, how often is the homeland security threat level NOT orange or higher? Also, what the hell does that even mean? Am I supposed to be scared of the color orange, or think it looks delicious?

Anyhow, let's get one thing straight here: Glass houses are for plants to live in, not people. Nevertheless, what you often find these days is a growing number of people doing things that people just aren't meant to do. Like peeing in the shower. I have been a part of several conversations in my lifetime during which it became apparent that urinating in the shower is not at all an uncommon thing for people to do.

In fact, during all of these conversations in which I was involved, at least 1 out of 3 people openly admitted to peeing in the shower. This greatly concerns me. First of all, that means there is an equal number of people whom pee in the shower to the number of people whom have the herpes virus. Obviously, this means that herpes is caused from people peeing in the shower, so for the love of God, and your own bodies, STOP PEEING IN THE DAMN SHOWER YOU DIRTY, DIRTY SKANKS (either gender)! Secondly, if 1 out of 3 people is willing to openly admit to peeing in the shower, that means an even great percentage of people pee in the shower and are ashamed to admit it in mixed company. Let's assume, just for a moment, that the number of people unwilling to openly admit to peeing in the shower is only 50% of the total number of people who do admit to it (which we've already established is 33% of the population of the world). That means 1.5 out of every 3 people, or 50% of the population of the entire world pees in the shower. Holy piss that's ridiculous!

My first question(s) to these people is always the same: Is there no toilet in your shower room? I mean, even if there's not, how far away can it be, and how hard is it to remember to go pee BEFORE you get into the shower? And easier even still, if you forget to go before you get in, how long is your freakin' shower that you can't just hold it until you finish? When you have to go pee whilst brushing your teeth, do you just wizz in the sink then?

If you're looking for guidance from a long-time friend about a fork in the road of your life, and you're not a shower pisser; he or she probably is, so stay clear. Learn to make decisions for yourself for a change. You've done so thus far, and look how messed up it's made you. I mean, you can't really mess things up for yourself much worse than you already have, so what do you have to lose? It's better to give yourself bad advice, than to pick up herpes from your shower pissing friend(s). Just steer clear until Apple comes out with its new app for the iPhone which will solve all the world's "golden shower" problems (not to mention curing herpes once and for all):

Introducing, iRinate: The only of its kind app for the iPhone which allows you to scan away your need to break the seal. Just launch the app from your iPhone menu, wave your iPhone over your bladder and kidneys, and voila! Tiny, radioactive lasers pinpoint urine at its point of creation and

blast it away with microscopic, urine-eating bacterium. Never make your friends scoot out of the booth in a crowded bar again. iRinate: We Take the Piss!

If it isn't broken...

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Diamonds are a girl's "b.f.f." If children are "God's punishment to women for enjoying sex," as I've heard on more than one occasion, then diamonds are their reward for being good at it. It's true ladies. Men who have been properly sexed think that they are in love with anything. So, to debunk another (obviously female in origin) cliché, the way to a man's heart is NOT through his stomach, but rather, down his pants with ungodly assertiveness.

I was once part of a conversation (and I won't tell you which part) that went something like this: "I'm too afraid to have sex with Angelina Jolie, because I'm so certain that once I was done, she'd kick the shit out of me, and it'd make me fall in love with her forever." This could actually explain her relationship with Brad Pitt. Tell me those two don't beat the holy hell out of one another after every sexcapade. Something else that this statement explains is the overwhelming stupidity of the male species.

Here's a little secret for all the ladies out there: Every single thing a man does, during the course of his entire life, is done so for the purposes of getting laid. This mentality drastically contradicts that of women's reason for living. Women, much more complex and diverse (a.k.a. - psycho) a species, have several different purposes for which to live, and which may vary depending on a variety of factors in their present lives.

First, and certainly the most common, longest lasting, and most frequently returned to reason that women have to live is to impress other women. Now, this point has been argued time and time again, and perhaps its biggest rival is a little something I'd like to call the "make men jealous theory." While it is true that women do start attempting to make men jealous at a very early age (starting with their fathers), there is an ulterior motive behind this psychology at all times. What men fail to realize (because they think that the universe revolves around them), is that little girls make their fathers jealous in order to impress their mothers. And this mentality carries on through the rest of their lives.

For example, when a man sees a girl dressed up like it's "club night" just to go to Target to buy some shampoo, he thinks to himself, "she must be looking to get laid tonight," (nothing to do with the shampoo). The fact of the matter is, the man is only assuming this because that's exactly what he is thinking about. The woman in question, is actually just trying to make other women at Target jealous of the amount of sexual attention she is receiving from the men. She has no intentions of getting laid at all. It isn't a premeditative thing for women like it is for men. Honestly, women don't know they're going to have sex with you until the exact moment they are crawling into bed with you. And they only give into it then because (usually) there are no other women around to impress. Which leads me to my next purpose women have for living: Caretaking.

There comes a point in every woman's life when they need to assume the role of caretaker. That doesn't always necessarily mean mommihood. It can be as simple as taking care of one stupid, full grown man, or even another full grown woman. When a woman has a man alone in her bedroom (which you now realize she has only done in order to impress other women, and not because she's into the man at all necessarily), she decides to assume the role of caretaker. It's a win/win, truly, for all parties involved. The man, helpless in his own dumbassness, and the woman, molecularly engineered with all the qualities of a good caretaker (i.e.: patience, instruction-giving, stick-to-itiveness, versatility, listening, and consoling), have both finally weaseled their way into a mutually desirable situation. If all goes well, the woman will be patient while the man can't figure out how to do it (patience), give instruction to him on how to do it (instruction-giving), be patient yet again while he continues to fail (stick-to-itiveness), offer suggestions on alternative ways to accomplish the goal (versatility), and finally, listen and console him while he balls his eyes out in embarrassment because he sucks at his one reason for living.

If you're looking for a little spark in your romantic life today, try looking the other way for a change. You suck, and therefore, anyone who's going to be attracted to you has to suck, and therefore, if the two of you ever have children together (god forbid), they will suck, and so on. So, just do us all a favor: Help control the idiot population, and have yourSELF spayed or neutered.

Relationships: Can't live with 'em, too chicken-shit to kill yourself, masturbation gets old. You know what NEVER gets old? Cold Beer.

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Whatever doesn't kill you...

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When in doubt, whip it out, and throw her down. No, I'm not making a reference to your future potential sexual assault charges. I'm talking about your wallet, purse, money clip, what have you. Wherever you keep your money/credit cards/check book/food stamps/etc, take it out, and pick up the tab.

You see, I'm sick of always being the guy to pick up the extra slack from his group of friends, whom all forgot to ask for separate checks at the restaurant when we all went out for dinner, and everyone is now leaving at a different time, so now there is one bill for the entire table, and everyone at the table is paying separately, and with a debit card no less. You've got the "I'm good at math" girl (as if) sitting there writing down what each person owes individually, next to their name, and in descending order according to the order of the debit cards that are all stuffed into that little plastic pocket at the top of the check holder (which is conveniently ALWAYS broken because of lunatics like you).

No! STOP! Put your erroneous math calculating pen down, and just listen to me for two seconds. We can all just sit here for the rest of the night while you mistakenly total up everyone's amount due, and then when you all leave, I can slam down my debit card and pick up the extra $20 you neglected to account for, collectively, or you can just let me pick this one up entirely right now, and pay it forward next time.

Yeah, well, there's never a next time is there? Such is the case with your business and love life today. "Never a next time" means it's time to take that final plunge. If you're holding in your feelings about a particular, special someone, because you aren't sure if the time is right to tell this person how you feel, just do it. They probably don't like you anyway, because you're a shit stain, so you might as well just tell them. At least you'll brighten their day by giving them something to laugh and joke with their friends/coworkers about. So what if it's at your expense. If you truly care about this person, you should want to brighten their day no matter what.

If you've had an idea that you've been sleeping on for way too long already, today's the day to take that chance. Stop being afraid of the worst case scenario, and just go for it, because there won't be a next time to try. Nevermind the fact that right now, as you contemplate this venture in your head, someone with 1,000 times the intelligence to figure out the best strategy, and 100,000,000,000 times the money to invest in applying that strategy, is thinking about the exact same idea as you; making it inevitable that you WILL fail. Now is the time to fail. There won't be a next time.

In fact, I have an idea that's sure to fail: The next time we go out to eat in a group of 6 or more, and the "I'm good at math" girl says you only owe $15 for your entire dinner and 3 drinks, why not go ahead and assume she's an ignorant puketard, and put down an extra 20 spot. That way, at the end of the night, when I'm the last one left to pay, and there's too much money just to pay the check and tip, I WON'T pee in your to go box.

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The apple doesn't fall far...

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Ask, and ye shall receive. If you ask to be treated like a child, by acting like one, ye shall receive. The other day, I received the following e-mail from a co-worker, whom shall remain nameless. However, I do feel it is important to tell you that this same co-worker also attaches all of her hard copies together with florescent paper clips:

Place as little faith and trust, and pay as little attention to all colored-paper-clip-using, email-stationary-background-using morons as you do your own children on this day, or see all your frustrations come to fruition. Here's an example of the best way to do this, in my reply to the above e-mail:

from	A Realistist
to		insanecoworker@anywherecorporate.us
date		Fri, Jul 17, 2009 at 1:47 PM
subject		your new stationary...
mailed-by		realistism.blogspot.com

Dear <name removed>,

I just love your new stationary. Wanna come over and clean my dishes/car? I figured you might. After all, what are kids for if not for the completion of household chores; sparing me the expense of an illegal immigrant housekeeper?

See you tonight,

Herbie Sukaluski

Image Source: http://farm1.static.flickr.com/54/131344609_2b9f9b47ed.jpg

Here's a bright idea...

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Do unto others as you would assume they aren't intelligent enough to do unto you. Good deeds are becoming increasingly fewer and far between these days. As with pretty much all other unexplainable things in this universe, I can explain this. It's quite simple really. You see, people are becoming increasingly more and more ignorant, thereby making the performance of good deeds increasingly more unrewarding.

For example, the other day, I gave directions to a guy who had clearly been on safari for about the last 75 years, and since he's returned, he can't find his house, or a shower, or a change of clothes. Anyhow, this guy proceeds to cut me off, mid-direction-giving, to exclaim, angrily, "Just forget it," as he stormed off.

Just two days after Senile Safari Guy douched it up for me, an ACTUAL homeless guy came around begging for some money for food. Of course he waited until I had my cash out to pay for the check at the local burrito eatery to do so. Luckily, my friend was quick to offer the bum her uneaten half of a burrito she had in a to go box, but not quick enough to avoid having to hear this man's sob story about how he hasn't eaten in days and blah, blah, blah! Upon offering her leftovers for his dining enjoyment, the vagrant said, "no! What I would like is a couple of dollars to get something to eat."

Now, allow me to translate that for you laypeople. First, I'll structure together all the dialog into one compound sentence:

"May I please have a couple of dollars to get something to eat because I haven't eaten in days, but I don't want your leftovers, just the money."

There are one of two things possible in this statement:

#1 - The man could actually eat only cash money. A very specific form of the eating disorder Pica, and a very expensive one at that. This option could explain how he ended up homeless in the first place, but could not explain how he is still alive at his age, as the body could not survive for 40+ years on paper alone.

#2 - Having just eaten from a dumpster, the man has no need for food, only for crack, smack, coke, heroine, ice, X, meth, alcohol, etc. This option could explain how he ended up homeless, as well as how he is still alive, but what it can't explain is why he would lie about needing money for food. Let's face it, every one respects the guy on the corner holding up the sign that says "Need Money for Beer", but no one likes a lying, manipulative, crack-headed imbecile.

So do unto others indeed on this day. Share and share alike, and reap the rewards for doing so ten-fold. For every dollar you donate to a crack-addicted bum, I will senselessly beat one of his or her illegitimate offspring. Don't know where to find any crack-addicted bums? Too scared to go out onto the streets at night, alone? Just send your money directly to me, and I'll find a crack-addicted bum with illegitimate children to brutally assault for you. It's a win/win, sure thing.

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Not getting the big picture...

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A picture is worth the cost of exactly one slide of a roll of film, unless you're shooting digital, in which case, it has absolutely no value. If it takes you 1,000 words to describe what you see in a picture, you have a serious talking problem, and you may or may not be surprised to find out that most people don't like hanging out with you. I'll give you 5 words maximum. All I need to know is: Is it male or female? What color is it? What is it wearing? Where is it standing/sitting/lying? Who else is there? One word each. For example: Female, Blonde, Bikini, Beach, Tommy Lee. Obviously, I can tell you that you are looking at a picture of Pamela Anderson.

Without having to divulge any additional information, I can also tell you that there are many, many tattoos in the picture, 2 pairs of sunglasses, 4 exposed nipples, 2 breast implants, and 100,000,000,000 strands of Hepatitis C virus. Why waste anymore of your precious breath bothering to describe a whole bunch of unnecessary details. Who cares what color/pattern/style Pam's bathing suit is. By the time you get done describing it to me, it'll be off anyway.

Yes, today brings wallows of high self-pity, and low self-esteem. If you think you might look fat in that, you most DEFINITELY do today. Wear the parka, or nothing at all. If it's a first date, I'd say definitely go with the parka though, to try and keep the element of surprise going for as long as possible. If your dinner reservations are between 5-8PM, you can't go wrong, because you definitely will not be getting any on this little "field trip." However, if your dinner reservations are for 11PM or later, spend a few more minutes soaping certain areas than others.

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Give it up for Lint...

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Never rub another man's rhubarb. I, for one, have never had a clue what that means. In fact, I'm not entirely sure it's an actual cliché. It's just something the Joker told Bruce Wayne in the first Tim Burton Batman film, and I've been quoting it ever since. But do you wanna know what rubs my rhubarb? Laundry day.

If you're like me, you hate laundry day more than the thought of someone pouring boiling hot asparagus pee all over your body while making you watch a video of your dog getting run over by a Mack Truck in slow motion, over, and over, and over again. I mean honestly, couldn't we just have a nice terrorist attack, or the King of some Genre of music die on that day instead?

Nevertheless, laundry day happens to all of us from time to time, and unfortunately, today is the day. Mercury isn't even in Preschool yet today. It's gone back WAY beyond retrograde. Do not put faith into any social engagement, relationship, business proposition, or other important matters of any kind for the duration of this awful, dreaded day.

Imagine that today was like a Fortune 500 CEO. Do not give him 50 cents to go buy you a soda from the drink machine and think you'll ever see him again. NO ONE is to be trusted. Lock yourself in your respective room/office/cubicle/cell, and don't come out until the sheets are clean, and your belly button, much like all of your clothes, are free of lint.

While you remain locked in your current dwellings, here are a few ideas of what you could be doing with all that belly button/dryer lint:

http://heidihooper.com/lint.htm

http://www.bluegalaxy.org/lint.htm

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Smarter than the average Joe...

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Home is where you lay your head. Some people lay their head on no pillows when they sleep, and some use up to 4 at once. If you're a no-pillow sleeper, you'll probably have some pretty substantial neck and shoulder issues today. A tingling in the knees could mean a rainstorm in the near future. If the day you were born ends in an odd number, and you use 1 or 3 pillows when you sleep, and your knees aren't currently tingling, chances are today will bring your innermost desires to fruition. Follow your bliss to your local Trader Joe's where you will find the most amazing selection of pre-made, privately labeled foods the world has ever known. If you do not have a Trader Joe's in your area, you are more than likely a 0, 2, 4, or more than 4 pillow sleeper, born on an even date, and/or a republican; in which case, a complete re-evaluation of your life might be in order for today. Or at very least, a move.

I'd look to move to a city where there are condos for sale on top of a Trader Joe's. Then, we could be neighbors, and I could start teaching you how to be less of an ignorant buffoon.

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Rags and Riches: Together at last...

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Never bite the hand that feeds you. Kill them in their sleep and learn how to feed yourself. Everybody wants a hand out these days. "Oh, it's okay that you've made careless investments with millions of your customer's assests. Here's a little start up cash. Just try again, and REALLY make an effort to do better this time, or else, we'll have to start you over AGAIN."

"What's that, General Motors? Oh, nevermind the fact that you've made less efficient, inferior-in-every-way automobiles to all other car manufactures on the planet, purposefully nonetheless, for the past 25 years. Here's a little start up cash. Just try again."

Even if you'd never dream of biting the hand that feeds you, all of us need it to pat us on the head and tell us we've been good from time to time. There's a beacon of hope smiling down at you from the cosmos today. I'd say it's most likely an alien surveying the behavior of the homo sapiens as if we were some sort of extraterrestrial variety show for their species. Nevertheless, take advantage of America's built-in "reset button" for corporate bankruptcy, and start your own Fortune 500 company today.

Can't decide on a good or service to sell? Try edible undergarments in a spray-can. It's all the sex appeal and deliciocrity of traditional edible underwear, but with the fun sound of aerosol being released into our ozone. It's like I've said before, people will buy anything. And, as long as you sell enough units, it doesn't matter what you do with the money. It won't matter when an Asian competitor opens up his first "Canties" factory and is immediately selling better tasting, longer lasting canned panties than you are, for half the price. When the time comes, just push the ol' reset button and Uncle Sam will come running right over with 'bags o' cash' for you to continue making more 'cans o' panties.'

God bless America. And you. And edible panties. From a can.

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It's not the size of your pencil box...

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A bird in the hand is worth anywhere from nothing, to thousands of dollars, depending on the current vital status of said bird, its species, and the current population of said species throughout the world. Also factored into its value, is the size of the hand holding it, and to whom said hand belongs.

Financial freedom is out there today, and it's yours for the taking. All you've got to do is let lose all your inner inhibitions. Forget your morals, ethics, common courtesy, sense, reason, and other hendrences, and just sell out. Sell everything: your clothes, your body, your mind, and your time. Or, sell nothing. Sell only the idea of something. People will buy it, trust me. The time is now. Sell, sell, sell.

If you own stock in Microsoft. The time is ESPECIALLY now to sell! Microsoft, the only company ever big enough to have never needed a catchy slogan, is the bird in the hand of hundreds of millions of people world-wide, and a tricky bird it is at that. At first, you'd think it was the last surviving member of the far extinct species of the exotic kiwi: a rare, and glorous, yet wing-less, (and therefore) flightless bird. But upon further inspection, one realizes that Microsoft is more like a dead, wingless, flightless bird. Even if it were alive, it would still suck ass, and probably wouldn't even taste good. Wings are delicious!

I've sent a slogan I came up with over to the fellas at MS via e-mail today. Let's see what they have to say about this:

from	A Realistist
to		marketing@corporate.microsoft.com
date		Fri, Jul 10, 2009 at 2:02 PM
subject		Your New Brand Name & Slogan
mailed-by		realistism.blogspot.com

Dear Outsourced, Indian Customer Service Agent:

I was playing around with ideas for your company's new slogan the other day and I wanted you to forward this on to Mr. Gates for me, as I'm sure he makes regularly scheduled visits to your call center/e-mail answering facility there in New Dehli.

I just want you to know, I fully expect a generic auto-replier sent to me within the next 48 hours, or you will be receiving yet another e-mail from me requesting further action.

Without further ado, I present to you the new slogan for Microsoft Corporation:

"Microsoft - Happy Little, Virus-making Engineers from India. Because American Engineered Viruses Just Aren't Good Enough."

In addition, I think you people should roll out a new name for your company. I find the opposite of your current name to be more fitting. Microsoft, will now be known worldwide as:

Gianthardon

You're welcome,

Dr. Robert Xavier

The Isle of Fradge...

A penny saved is worth 1 cent. Save some pennies today by not going to the doctor for every little thing under the sun that you think might be cancer growing inside you. The verdict is in, you definitely do NOT have the cancer. Although, if you are a cancer, you are certainly more susceptible to develop cancer in the future, for obvious reasons. Not good news today for cancers, but the rest of us are good to go. Shop in the organic section only this week, and be on the look out for various types of indie rock lovers in your area. A love connection could be made, but it could also lead to a series of astronomical medical bills from the nearly 4 million types of bacteria Mr. or Ms. Indie has crawling all over them right now. Proceed with caution and a can of febreeze, and just to be certain, you might wanna double up on the contraceptives for this one. Things could get ugly when you're bumpin' uglies, but I guess that pretty much goes without say.

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129 times as awesome as anything else on the internet...

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Money can't buy you love. But if you are as crazy obsessed with the phenomenon of internet "deal of the day" sites as I am, it can certainly buy you all kinds of ridiculous crap you'll never need and wouldn't ever even consider buying if it weren't being dangled in front of you at such ridiculously cheap prices. I mean, you can easily find 5 people to whom you could give a 6ft. HDMI cable, but it's figuring out what to do with the other 15 that you got for a total of $6.99 (including shipping) that becomes tricky.

Nevertheless, a solution presents itself today. Try starting your own Ebay store. You're not that far behind the curve. There are only 129 Billion Ebay stores online right now, so the numbers are in your favor. As Indian Numerology would tell you, 129 reduces to 1+2+9, which equals 12, which reduces to 1+2, which equals 3, so how can you lose?

Go ahead and clear out that savings account, head on over to DODTracker.com (or other such sites), and before you know it, you'll have enough stuff crammed into your garage to keep you busy on Ebay for the next 129 decades. Don't worry about the fact that you were going to put that money toward your 3 week stint in Prague. Once you become the 129,000,000,001st ebay store, you'll be making enough money to buy 10, 3 week stints in Prague, or wherever in the world you wish to be. Not to mention the fact that since your business will from then on be conducted entirely online, you can spend 30 weeks anywhere and never miss a day of work. Sound too good to be true? How do you explain this then: http://smallbusiness.aol.com/features/ebay-millionaires

Congratulations! The cosmos have aligned just for you.

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Oh Happy Day...

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Old tricks are the best tricks. And that rule doesn't just apply to prostitutes anymore. Play the lottery today, and you'll find yourself anywhere from $1 poorer, to $136M richer. That's a 50/50 chance. You can't beat those odds. Don't let the odds makers fool you. Not today. For every dollar you invest into your state lottery today, I will invest one letter of recommendation toward an underprivileged child's application to a university of his or her choice. Just FEDEX me the original copy of each of your lottery tickets as proof of purchase, and I will help make a child's dreams come true on your behalf, one letter at a time. Literally.

Don't believe me, see for yourself. Here's a recent e-mail I sent to the dean of admissions at Georgia Southern University on behalf of an underprivileged child:

from A Realistist to stufee@georgiasouthern.edu date Mon, Jul 6, 2009 at 1:22 PM subject Letter of Recommendation mailed-by realistism.blogspot.com

To whom it may concern:

For applicant Ola, Hector A., I recommend the letter 'F' for obvious reasons!

Most sincerely,

Bob Loblaw

Today's show is brought to you by the letter 'F', courtesy of images1.wikia.nocookie.net

And the winner is...

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If at first you don't succeed, it's probably because you're a moron, so there's no sense in trying again. 95% of people fail at over 50% of the ventures they start in life. That's a 145% chance of failure total. It's best to just play it safe and not come out of your home today. If you do not have a home, either due to the current mortgage crisis or because you snorted away everything of value in your life, including all your friends and family, it's probably high time you made a commitment to that empty promise you've been making to yourself for quite sometime. Or, as luck would have it, you could be part of the select -45% today whose lives are about to change for the better, forever. If your birthday falls on a Wednesday or a Saturday this calendar year, thank your maker, a break is heading your way. All other days beware, and if your operating on a fiscal year instead...get a life!

Here's a video that pretty much sums up your entire existence. Enjoy: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fbOC0uoKYtU

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An American independent opportunity knocking...

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"When, in the course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bonds which have connected them with another, and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the laws of nature and of nature's God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation."

For those who didn't know, that's the first line/paragraph of the Declaration of Independence as written by Thomas "I learned to play the violin to pick up chicks" Jefferson. Furthermore, if you have no idea what any of that bullshit means, welcome to the club. One thing's for certain though: Where was the Declaration of Independence when I was being taught about "run-on sentences" in grade school?

Today is your lucky day. Take peace in knowing that on this day, July 4th, we Americans celebrate babbling morons like yourself who speak just for the sake of hearing your own voice. There is no topic of conversation too trite and no rhetorical question too under-expounded upon for American Independence Day. Let your inner voice become your outer diarrhea of the mouth today. Success lurks in the connection you will make with the most unsuspecting follower of your jibber jabber, so be steadfast and attentive, or you'll blow your big opportunity like Monica Lewinsky under the desk in the oval office.

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Reinventing the wheel...

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A rolling rock rolls and rolls, and eventually stops. Make like the rolling rock today, and stop sucking at life. Nobody likes you anymore and it's high time you took responsibility for your own actions instead of perpetuating your own suckiness by blaming it all on somebody else as always. Look around you. If you see no more than 2 other people, you're either at work, or you totally suck (or you have a thyroid problem you might wanna get checked out). The tide turns for you today. Find guidance in the leaves at the bottom of your glass, which is still half full, so keep drinking, unless it's coffee in your glass, then you're just in for a giant disappointment.

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