Do unto others as you would assume they aren't intelligent enough to do unto you. Good deeds are becoming increasingly fewer and far between these days. As with pretty much all other unexplainable things in this universe, I can explain this. It's quite simple really. You see, people are becoming increasingly more and more ignorant, thereby making the performance of good deeds increasingly more unrewarding.
For example, the other day, I gave directions to a guy who had clearly been on safari for about the last 75 years, and since he's returned, he can't find his house, or a shower, or a change of clothes. Anyhow, this guy proceeds to cut me off, mid-direction-giving, to exclaim, angrily, "Just forget it," as he stormed off.
Just two days after Senile Safari Guy douched it up for me, an ACTUAL homeless guy came around begging for some money for food. Of course he waited until I had my cash out to pay for the check at the local burrito eatery to do so. Luckily, my friend was quick to offer the bum her uneaten half of a burrito she had in a to go box, but not quick enough to avoid having to hear this man's sob story about how he hasn't eaten in days and blah, blah, blah! Upon offering her leftovers for his dining enjoyment, the vagrant said, "no! What I would like is a couple of dollars to get something to eat."
Now, allow me to translate that for you laypeople. First, I'll structure together all the dialog into one compound sentence:
"May I please have a couple of dollars to get something to eat because I haven't eaten in days, but I don't want your leftovers, just the money."
There are one of two things possible in this statement:
#1 - The man could actually eat only cash money. A very specific form of the eating disorder Pica, and a very expensive one at that. This option could explain how he ended up homeless in the first place, but could not explain how he is still alive at his age, as the body could not survive for 40+ years on paper alone.
#2 - Having just eaten from a dumpster, the man has no need for food, only for crack, smack, coke, heroine, ice, X, meth, alcohol, etc. This option could explain how he ended up homeless, as well as how he is still alive, but what it can't explain is why he would lie about needing money for food. Let's face it, every one respects the guy on the corner holding up the sign that says "Need Money for Beer", but no one likes a lying, manipulative, crack-headed imbecile.
So do unto others indeed on this day. Share and share alike, and reap the rewards for doing so ten-fold. For every dollar you donate to a crack-addicted bum, I will senselessly beat one of his or her illegitimate offspring. Don't know where to find any crack-addicted bums? Too scared to go out onto the streets at night, alone? Just send your money directly to me, and I'll find a crack-addicted bum with illegitimate children to brutally assault for you. It's a win/win, sure thing.
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